When You and Your Parents Disagree About Your Wedding

Weddings are a family event, and families are notorious for having big opinions about big events. When you and your parents disagree about your wedding—whether it’s something small, like whether to serve fish, or something major, like where to hold the big event—it can turn planning into a major headache. Before you start a family feud, take a deep breath.

Who’s Paying?

Before you do anything else, consider who is paying for your wedding. If your parents are footing the bill, it’s reasonable for them to expect to have some input. If you’re paying yourself, though, there’s nothing wrong with thanking mom and dad for their comments, but telling them you intend to go a different direction.

Who’s Helping?

Sometimes parents are full of big ideas, but low on material support. Maybe your mom decided she wants you to have a jazz band, or your dad’s not helping at all. It’s easy to think big when you don’t have to do the actual work, so if your parents are full of big suggestions, it’s time to ask for some help. Practice saying it: “That’s a great idea, mom, and I’m happy to do it if you’ll get everything set up.” you may find your parents quickly backing down when they have to do as much work as you do! 

Who’s Willing to Compromise?

A wedding, just like a marriage, can teach you to compromise. Don’t dig in your heels, because long after the wedding, you still have to love and relate to your parents. Find ways to compromise wherever possible. Maybe mom wants a church wedding, but you want to get married outdoors. The perfect compromise: find a priest who will bless your marriage after the fact, or have a religious ceremony.

Your wedding is about more than just you; it’s about your commitment to loving your spouse for the rest of your life. You learned about marriage from your parents first; honor them by showing them you respect their opinions—but that you’re willing to stand up for your own ideas. If all else fails just tell them what they want to hear and then go and do exactly what you want.